Ward of the State

I'm a prisoner of the county
of my thoughts and dreams.
A ward of my state of mind;
Though not voluntarily,
but through a fate of some kind.
Brought to my knees by depression
of a certain superfluous obsession...
I was scratched and bruised,
dazed and confused.
An error in my department of corrections,
my conscience wears uniforms of random selection.
Unconscious of its own afflictions,
My heart measured out wrongful convictions.
Tangled in gross dereliction of duty,
my spirit is forever moody.
I turned loose my heart and soul;
But my brain is in solitary
and my conscience is cold...
Probation's out the window, and there's no chance for parole.
My mind no longer knows what's real,
so my body remains in confinement
while it waits for its appeal...

Never Saw It Coming

I didn't say "I love you," every day,
I never showed emotion when you'd say
that time is no man's friend,
and we're always only seconds from the end...
I never believed those words would ever ring true,
never for me,
and especially not for you.
But they have, and so suddenly;
I'm all alone, and now humbly
I think of all the things I could've said,
and they still roam around in my head....
Because now that you're gone,
and I'm forced to carry on,
I wish for a second chance;
A rewind or backwards glance
to say and do all the things I didn't...
To reveal thoughts and feelings that were otherwise hidden.
You've let loose the ties that bound you,
and a better place has crowned you.
I still get sad sometimes,
and it still weighs on my mind,
But I know you're happy now-
and although you've taken your final bow...
I'll see you again,
I don't know how or when,
but until I do,
Just know that I'll always love you.

For my grandpa, who died after 86 years of good living. You are missed, never forgotten, and always in my heart! R.I.P. Frank Marvin Mayo. I love you. ♥

Tatters

You held my sanity in the palms of your hands,
And, as I watched, you ripped it to shreds,
diminished it to disheveled and useless tatters.
Now I sit listlessly, hopelessly, helplessly,
waiting...waiting...waiting.
You did everything you could
to demean me, disrespect me, despise me;
Now I wonder what you did to blind me so.
A hindering help, you were-
You never expected me to be more than
your second fiddle.
You always expected more than I could give,
I always gave more than I could expect to.
My heart grows colder with each passing day,
And with each passing moment, the light shrinks
from my consciousness.
Tirelessly I threw myself into becoming
everything you wanted me to...
But I tripped, fell flat on my face.
Now I don't even know who I am anymore.
My identity, my heart, my lucidity-
they're all lost causes now...
damaged beyond recovery.
Those pieces of me have died...my spirit hangs by a mere thread.
So I became a murderer...
Killed the killer,
and deadened the chunk of my bruised heart
that was consumed by you.
And now there's an unmendable hole there-
Where once love was, there is now an
undying fear of everything
that ever was and could possibly be.
Now there's emptiness.
Now...there's nothing.

Desert Rains

If life was a desert,
you'd be my rain,
the quench to my thirst
after miles of mirages.
If the sky fell today,
I'd catch a cloud for us to float on.
You're the sun to my days, the stars to my nights,
utter completion to my unfinished dreams and wishes.
The pieces of us are like rain to an ocean,
falling steadily together to continuously
add to one completely and unmistakably
unstoppable force.
You have all of me,
completely,
infallibly,
forever.
I love you.

Oblivion

Sometimes this life is beyond tiresome,
and mostly all I ever desire is some
solitude,
peace and quiet...
To level my mood;
All I really need is time to brood.
But things move so quickly
and so I'm limited to behaving fickly-
Snatching what solace I can,
as I juggle uncompromising demands...
Unable to "live it up,"
I can only live up to
immovable expectations, and standards of speculation...
No time for thrills,
only for what is promised, and fulfilled.
Far too many untold stories,
and the time's never enough to write them...
My head is full of doubtful worries,
though I stand tall despite them.
If life is the only way to prepare us for dying,
then giving in is inevitable, I'd  rather give up trying.
I'd prefer to say my life's only begun,
than to spend it in fearful oblivion.

Curtains

They're all watching like hawks
looking for all my faults;
If I do one thing wrong,
then I can tell my peace of mind "so long..."
Because they never let me forget it,
they only make me regret it.
So I pray hard to
stop being prey to
people with toxic minds,
so I can love myself in kind-
I never understood what that really means;
There are so many "fews" and not enough "far betweens..."
All life is dead-
the only way to revive it
is to survive it
or be survived by it.
Pointing issues at my head
and I rely on my tissues instead
of playing nurse
to my wounded heart.
But crying is something like dying,
it solves nothing,
and leaves you raw and broken,
speaking to words unspoken.
Curse of all curses, one would definitely think
that I was on the brink
of complete and total destruction-
although this is no more than a mere disruption.
Restrictions and convictions,
I'm on a twisted mission...
Convoluted in nature
and full of unforeseen danger,
I know not what I do,
or who I look for, it's true...
But one thing's sure and certain,
and that's the simple fact that
I'll never call it
curtains.

You Must've Done Something

To have captured my heart, my soul, to have raised my spirits to unspeakable levels...

You must've done something.

You forced my guard down

and explored places unknown,

You helped me to see things through new eyes...

You must have done something.

For all the things we've been through,

and all the pain we've endured...

for all the amazing times we've shared;

For us to have lived and loved the way we have

and me not understanding these feelings deep, but embracing them all the same-

You really did something.

For me to place you above all else,

your needs before my own,

to make your wants my desires...

Damn, you're really something.

Whatever you do, it's working, and working well,

Because for the life of me,

I can't tell

Where you end--and I begin;

And words can't express the feelings I have within...

For you, for us, and what we've become;

what we'll continue to be and I'm almost struck dumb

by my love for you and the way my heart aches

at the thought of losing you, at the idea of being without you. 

I love you with everything I have, and then some...

What you've done to me, I cannot say,

But I'm glad that I wake up to you every day. 

I love you, heart and soul,

body and spirit.

You've overtaken me completely...

You must've done something.