Depression

I'm so close to snapping
it's just not funny...
no rhythm and rhyme here,
just an overstressed consciousness.
Nerves pulled tighter
than worn out rubber bands-
tightrope walking on the chicken wire
of unfulfillable demands. 
Do this, fix that,
they say-
cook this, clean that....
a continuum of routine?
I couldn't say.
Clouds in my coffee-
maybe it's just mold
because it's been sitting here as long as I have
and it's been gone cold.
My cigarette sits burning
unsmoked, because my yearning
for it barely exists-
and the ashtray is surrounded 
by piles of undone [to-do] lists.
Crazy? going there, maybe
because I've gone baby in the mind
I have no sense of time
and I'm so damn tired
I can't even call it sublime.
When my subconscious speaks,
I hear it through a tunnel
the waves of energy I seek
seep from me like a funnel.
I'm drained-
mind and body like spaghetti-
mentally on vacay
but spirit at the ready...
wanting to do so much,
reaching for dreams I can't touch;
Half-sane and constantly denying
that my zest for life is dying.
I try so hard and fail
and only loneliness prevails,
because misery loves company
and I have no outlets...
Guess I ain't wired right,
because I constantly forget
the reason that I fight
to exist, to live,
to overlook, to forgive
all the wrong done,
I can't be the only one...
can I?
Is it just me?
Or are we really never free?
I'm just trying to find my place
but no one will make space,
and the things that give me respite
are the same ones that make me desperate
for the freedom of expression
that could see me through these transgressions
and clear the road of the aggressions
that hold these chains of depression.